If you happen to deal with Scandinavians from time to time, you will know how sensitive they are when being compared to their neighboring countries. If you do want to annoy them, here are some hints. If you want to be polite, just read on.
Claim that Denmark, Norway and Sweden are all the same
The three countries are Scandinavia all right, but they are three individual countries, with their own language and individual inhabitants.
Ole and Lars were business partners and good friends. One day Lars started off for work and discovered he’d forgotten his tools. Returning home, he looked around for his wife, Lena, and finally found her in the bedroom. To his surprise, she was on the bed with no clothes on. “Vat in the vorld are you doing vidout any clothes, voman?” Lars asked. “Vell, I yust don’t have any clothes to vear, dat’s why,” answered Lena. “Vat you talking about,” said Lars as he opened the closet door and began counting: “Vun dress, two dress, tree dress, four dress… Oh, hello Ole… Five dress…
Forget to remove your shoes before entering a home
Scandinavians don’t like dirt being dragged all over their homes, or heels on their wooden floors. It’s polite to remove your shoes in the hallway.
An elderly Norwegian named Lars decided to March to the alter at the ripe old age of 85 with a shapely miss who was only 35. His friends cautioned him about the health hazard involved, saying that the exertion of amour could prove to be fatal. “Vell, dat’s the chance I’ll have to take,” said Lars. “If she dies…she dies.”
Asking for Tea
Scandinavians drink more coffee than anyone else in the world, tons of it. Norway is rated no. 2 (7,2kg per capita) after Finland (9.6kg per capita). Denmark is no. 7 (5.3kg per capita).
Swede: When is your birthday? Norwegian: March 21st. Swede: What year? Norwegian: Every year.
Claim that the Danish language is Dutch.
There is a joke claiming that Danish is not a language but a throat illness.
Judge: You’ve been brought here for drinking. Dane: Swell! Let’s get started.
Claim that Swedes are Swiss
They are not even neighbors. Do you know your Europe?
A Swede was walking down the street with a duck under his arm.
“Where did you find that monkey?” asked the fellow pedestrian.
“It happens to be a duck.” claimed the Swede.
“Shut up, Swede! I am talking to the duck.”
Tell a Norwegian that KvikkLunsj is inferior to KitKats
KitKats are so not even close to Kvikklunsj. Don’t compare them, don’t tell us KitKats are superior. Don’t go there.
Q: What is the difference between Swedes and Norwegians?
A: The Swedes have nice neighbours!
Asking if there are reindeer in the streets of Oslo
Of course there are! Even in the roaming the streets of Copenhagen you’ll find them. Some Scandinavians keep them as pets, next to their penguins.
Norwegian was bragging to his friend:
– I just bought a piece of field that is 2 cm wide and 10 km long.
– What on Earth are you going to do with a field like that?
– Grow spaghetti, of course.
Saying that a Scandinavian doesn’t look like a Scandinavian
Well, perhaps you don’t look like an American either.
There were two Swedish carpenters building a house. One of them opened a pack of nails, and asked the other: “Why are half of the nails lying in the wrong direction?”
The other replied: “You moron! They are supposed to be used on the other side of the house!”
Schedule a conference call at 12 a.m.
Oh, no! That’s lunch time (fika in Sweden). Don’t infer with the Scandinavian coffee breaks. Remember, Scandinavians drink tons of coffee.
Interpol was looking for an escaped convict in Denmark, and sent pictures of the man to the Danish police. The pictures were taken from both sides and the front. After a few days the Danes replied: “We caught the guys on the left and the right but the one in the middle got away”.
Not waiting for an answer when you ask “How are you?”
Scandinavians WANT to answer, in great detail. Just skip the ‘how are you’ bit if you don’t want to listen to a Scandinavian complaining about his back pain.
Q: Why do Danish people never play hide and seek?
A: Nobody wants to look for them.
Be on time
Scandinavia hate lateness, so you better be on time.
The Danish man had a problem. His wife was coming home on the train but he could not remember if she was coming at 8:40 or 4:80.
Believing that Scandinavians can’t feel the cold
Of course they can, just like you. Their veins are not made of ice. Don’t forget, they are filled with hot, strong coffee.
Q: What does it say at the bottom of Norwegian Beer Bottles?A: Open At Other End.
Believing that Scandinavians only eat Lutefisk
First of all, Lutefisk is a Norwegian dish. And they are of course eating it every day, all the time, for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Just kidding, Norwegians only eat Lutefisk for lunch.
Q: What sign is at the bottom of Norwegian Swimming Pools?A: No Smoking.
How to Annoy a Scandinavian, compiled by Admin
Michael Booth on Sweden